So, I found the following passage in the Encyclopedia of Unusual Sex Practices by Brenda Love that was a gift from the Wolfstorm clan one year. It sits on the back of the toilet downstairs and I occasionally read more entries from it. The places it focuses and places it ignores are fascinated but the topic of a different post.
I liked this passage and thought it was interesting that it was encapsulated into the entry on misogyny where the editor talked about marriage counseling and when it's time to keep trying vs. trying to cut things off.
Each person is responsible for their own problems. A partner can lend support but should not be blamed or expect to mend things. A marriage is betwen two adults, not a parent and small child. For people who do not have a clear understanding of their role and what should be expected of them, Dr. Susan Forward lists a "Personal Bill of Rights" for couples:
- You have the right to be treated with respect.
- You have the right not to take responsibility for anyone else's problems or bad behaviour.
- You have the right to get angry.
- You have the right to say no.
- You have the right to make mistakes.
- You have the right to have your own feelings opinions, and convictions.
- You have the right to change your mind or to decide on a different course of action.
- You have the right to ask for emotional support or help.
- You have the right to protest unfair treatment or criticism.
These rules are for the benefit of both people. If one person doesn't feel they can ask them of their partner, they may not think it is fair for the other person to make the demands.
So, I'm not sure where to go with this further but I wanted to put this out there.