February 10th, 2006


Getting me drunk / Loss of Control

I found a good passage that describes what I meant by "getting me drunk" in last night's entry.
He lowered his eyes as if he couldn't control what was in them. He was the master of blank, careful expressions. The fact that what he felt was too strong to hide said more than anything else. He couldn't shield his emotions right now. They were too strong; they shattered all his careful control, and a part of me was glad.
This is a much better descriptor for what I am talking about rather than when I used the term "wall" before. It's less of a fortified castle and more of the intimacy of the bedroom. Where my issue lies is that I seem to've lost the keys to this more intimate tableau. I'm not even interested in inviting people in. It's more the concept of the thing.

This is what I mean when I say that I don't have fully formed thoughts about this. I have this concept that is quite clear in my head but I can't seem to find the right way to English it. In the past, I've generally only been writing things when I had it pretty fully thought out. It's stultifying to have the right concept in my brain and not be able to express it. I think someone came pretty close with "Can't brain today, I've got the dumb." I'd meant last night to leave comments off since I hadn't finished my thoughts but the comments are interesting nonetheless. I was a bit too much of a hurry since I was borrowing a computer. That hurrying left me in an indeterminate state that I'll have to write more about later.

To wrap this up, the quote comes from Narcissus in Chains by Laurell K. Hamilton. I tried to finally read the most recent Anita Blake book and found that I was lost and I had scrambled most of the stuff after Obsidian Butterfly. So I need to read this and Cerulean Dreams before I read the most recent. Things are starting to fall into place but I know that I'm still a bit confused about what has happened.