Forgive the formatting on this post. It's post by e-mail since I
can't access LJ from work.
I have a bit of a double standard in terms of weight. I have no
problems with other people being well-fleshed, rubenesque, even
zaftig. cindygerb has even worried, as she exercises,
whether she's getting too thin. I can't tell if she's kidding but I
don't think she is. There are thin people that I find attractive but
my usual reaction to the emaciated model look is not desire other than
desire to feed them.
Where the double standard comes in is that I don't like how I'm
looking as I have been gaining weight. This is likely a good thing as
it will get me back to the gym. But there are the negative
self-perceptions to deal with in the meantime. I know that these
perceptions are solely within myself since I've had plenty of
validation of my looks from others. Cindy was even told by someone
last night that I have a cute "buddha-belly".
But I recently had to go to a size 44 waist pants and my velvet tights
want to fold down under my belly. I reallyreally don't like
this. I'm going to
change this. I just have to deal with myself in the meantime.
Note: This is not seeking validation of me still
"looking good". This is me writing down my thoughts so that I can
keep them from cycling around in my head. As I said before, I know
that it's my perceptions and that they're different than other
people's perceptions. I'm not looking for feel good statements or
really any comments. This is just me using LJ as an auxilary brain.
Feel free to comment as you desire but that's not what I'm looking