Torin/Darren WhoEver (wolfieboy) wrote,
Torin/Darren WhoEver

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Understanding of the specific anxiety of today

I seem to be doing better. I think that talking about it (and possibly getting responses) really does help. In that vein, I've been thinking about the specific anxiety of going out today. The plan had been to meet up at the Northgate Park-and-Ride and proceed from there to the Aquarium. I think the prime anxious bits came from the thought of leaving the car and proceeding under someone else's direction, i.e. I wouldn't be in control/I couldn't just up and leave. Looked at in this light, this is a rather minor fear since, as cindygerb pointed out, I could've just driven to the Aquarium myself. But, this is after analysis; anxiety doesn't always yield to reason. I suspect that there was some bit of "new place, uncontrolled situation" there but that seems like a minor part. Trying to deal with not having control of my transportation seems to be the prime factor here. I can metaprogram around that now…

I've been told that I analyse things just a little bit. An amusing hypothetical example was mentioned in that previous post by roadknight that I wanted to bring out in a post because it is _so_ me:
What I think is cool is your ability to analyze it, or more to the point everything that happens to you.

If we were tossed off a Vogon space ship, about to die of asphyxiation in deep space, I wouldn't be surprised if you turned to me with your last few seconds and said "This is interesting" 'What?' "I'm getting little ice crystals in my aqueous humor and I can see them forming little snowflake patterns" 'Cool'

(Not that I could hear you, it being deep space and all, but I think you get the point).
I don't know if this is actually analysis but it does bring out my tendency to examine and vocalize just about everything.

So, in summary, I think it is good for me to talk about these things more. At times, they seem so trivial as to not be worth mentioning but I have experiential evidence that whether the events/feelings themselves are trivial or not, the process of talking about them is _not_ trivial and rather helps. So, hopefully, I'll be talking more here. But then, I've said that before and remained silent, so we'll see…
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