Torin/Darren WhoEver (wolfieboy) wrote,
Torin/Darren WhoEver

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Feeling like I'm slipping apart inside sometimes

It's sure easier to feel bad from a heart/soul sense when I feel bad in a physical sense.

On Monday night I was coughing some. Tuesday, I woke up and it felt like I gargled glass. I stayed home and worked from there both Tuesday and Wednesday. It is too much of a temptation to talk if I'm around people, even if it hurts. I proved that today. Each day I was doing better though. Even after talking for much of the day, my throat still feels better than Wednesday morning.

This is all a side point though. It brought up a way in which I'm not feeling the best. It's something that I can and do put off at times. But I'm not doing the processing when I put it off and the feeling bad physically brings it up again.

Internally, it feels like parts of me are sliding apart and are not as in touch with each other as they should be. I'm not sure why this is so, quite yet, but I'm working to figure it out. It does lead to feelings of loss and disconnection. I can push it off and not deal with it but the feeling is still there and I have to deal with it some time. As is often the case lately, this is to document how I am and how I'm feeling rather than seeking any specific input from others…

As a closing note, I don't think that this "feeling bad/off" is bio-chemical in nature although I considered if it was. Since I _am_ able to push it off and deal with it later, that suggests that it's purely a heart/soul problem rather than such induced by bad brain chemistry. This post has been percolating for about a week and a half but I've never managed to actually get it out. I'm not satisfied with how the words flowed from my fingers but at least I have been able to express it.

It also occurs to me now that the people that I interact with in the flesh likely won't see this since they'll be at NorWesCon. Oh well.
Tags: me, sotw
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