So, my first journal entry ever. Wow. It certainly took me long enough to start this. I wrote stuff back in 1994-1996 but then I dropped it and I haven't really been back.
Part of the reason that it has taken me so long to write this is that I've got "Not Hosted Here" syndrome. I'm used to managing all the important services locally on daft.com. That way if something breaks, I know just who to blame. (At least when it isn't Sprint's fault)
But I think that it is good for my ego to host it elsewhere. Bill (Generic Joe) has good software and I respect him. Keeping it in the family is always good. :)
I don't know how often I will write here. I'm going to try for at least 3-4 times a week. This journal entry is going to be some on why I might not post as often as I would like/should. Why I'm finally starting to post is another topic...
I have Attention Deficit Disorder. (A chorus of "Hi Torin" rings out.) It should really be called Attention Focus Disorder. It's not really a lack of attention but more on the ability to focus it and where that focus should be aimed.
A quote from the book Driven to Distraction brought a point home that I'd been working on:
The initial phase of treatment of ADD, the time of discovering that you have it, of making use of the insight this brings, of finding out that the medication really works, this phase of treatment is exciting. It can indeed transform one's life. New realms open up to the individual. [...elided descriptions...]
On the other hand, after the initial phase of treatment, the struggle usually does not end. For some lucky people it does, but for most people ADD continues to pose problems daily. While the treatment helps with the symptoms, it does not eradicate them. The ADD does not go away. It cannot be surgically removed. If one has it as an adult, one has it for life.
That's about where I'm at now. I take 10mg of Dextro-Amphetamine 3 times a day. It makes me sociable and able to keep a job. Ask Cindy what I am like when I am not on meds. I've even had a really long honeymoon period with it.
But I'm realizing that I need to do more. I'm letting myself not do simple things that need to get done.
- I had an article that should've been done on the 16th. I wrote the outline last week and then never went back to it.
- There was a meeting tonight that I should've sent the announcement out for on Thursday or Friday. I got around to it a little after noon.
- I thought about starting up this Journal last Monday, the 10th. I didn't ask Bill about it until Tuesday, he set me up on Thursday, and I'm just posting now. I was even going to work on it when I got home at 8pm. I didn't start working on it until midnight.
I could go on and on but that would be the ADD coming out. I'm definitely not going to mention doing very little for Cindy's Birthday because that's just too embarrassing.
It's not that I'm not doing anything. I'm actually getting useful work done. It's just not the work that needs to get done, it's only useful. Reward systems don't seem to work real well since I forget about them as I'm doing these other things.
I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do about this. Right now, I'm reading more of Driven to Distraction. I've skipped and bounced around before. I'm now resuming my linear read of it. I've just started the chapter titled "Living and Loving with ADD; ADD in Couples". I realize how very, very lucky I am to have cindygerb
Another option I'll investigate when we've got more money is to see a the rapist. I've got one person that I trust but he's not ADD specific and I wonder how much of the treatment he's given me in the past is helping specifically with the problem. Maybe now that I've identified more a problem rather than "I need to work on my ADD", we might get further. The problem with using ADD specialists is that many of them have "I've got a hammer" syndrome. They've got a certain agenda to push. It's worked before, therefore it will work on everyone. "You're just not trying hard enough." Ptui. How to find a non-charlatan. Pfeh.
So, I'll upload this now and leave the changing of the default templates for later.