Torin/Darren WhoEver (wolfieboy) wrote,
Torin/Darren WhoEver

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Sharing and Jealousy

I'm pulling the text of this entry into this post because klicrai has announced that she has abandoned her journal and I worry about the story going away. If you want to add this story to your memories (like I did), you should link her original entry and not this.

Well, my friend suggested a topic for my first entry, and I see no reason not to use it. He was concerned that I may be feeling jealousy in regards to another relationship he has. I repressed the urge to laugh, and tried explaining why the fact that he loves other people actually makes me feel quite pleased and contented. See, I believe that to truly understand love is to destroy jealousy of other loves. Here's why:

The mother of one of the children I care for at work became pregnant. "Jacob" was about six years old when his mom began showing, and a more severe case of sibling rivalry I have never seen.
He constantly pestered his mom about "Mom, why can't you have an abortion?" and "Will you really still love me when the baby comes?".
He began displaying infantile behaviors, messing his pants, wanting to be held and comforted all the time, crying at the slightest provocation. The poor kid was truly scared that the new baby was going to replace him in his parent's lives.
His mother tried many different approaches with him before she hit on the one that worked.

She took a candelabra with four cups and put it on a table. She said "Jacob, I want you to understand why it is that your dad and I will always love you. You see, before I met your father there was just me, and I had all of my love."

She lit one candle and held it before Jacob. "Then, I met your dad. I loved him, and I gave him *all* of my love."

She lit the second candle with the one in her hand. "Now your dad had all of my love, and I still had all of my love left. Then, you were born, and I gave you all of my love."

Lighting the third candle from the one representing her, she said, "Now you had all of my love, and your dad had all of my love, and I *still* had all of my love. And now, there's going to be a new baby."

Lighting the last candle in the holder from the one representing her, she said, "I am going to give the new baby all of my love. But when I do, you will still have all of my love, and your dad will still have all of my love, and I will still have all of my love."

And he got it. That was the end of the infantile behaviors.

Several of the adults (including me) who were lucky enough to be in the room during this little demonstration had tears in our eyes. It was one of the most beautiful things I've ever witnessed. One thing I noticed which took her object lesson one step farther was that the more candles she lit, the brighter the room got.
Love is not like pouring water from a full cup into an empty one so that both are made half full. Love is not something you can run out of or only give/get half of. Love is lighting a candle, spreading warmth from candle to candle until the whole room is glowing.
How, then, can one be jealous of love given to another? I mean, when the people I care about give their love to others, it doesn't take anything from me. It makes my life brighter.

(And yes, I'm the friend in question that she mentions.)
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