Much of this seems to be involved in my fear of upsetting people, my fear that if I say/do the wrong things then they will go away. It's true that Cindy has had some catastrophic responses to some of our forays into polyamory but my fear that surrounded (surrounds) those responses is solely mine. And it goes back much further than just Cindy. It's a manifestation of the rejection issues my entire life.
Where this on particularly comes up is that I was asking if someone is available and I was worried about causing stress when trying to arrange a get-together with someone. But it's got to be okay for me to cause such stress, especially when it's something we both agreed to already.
I may actually make this entry public after some consideration.