We've been having many of these conversations. Monday was just the longest. We're finding them physically wearing but we are communicating much better about our wants and needs. (I tried to give an example here but it kept coming out wrong without beaucoup and zwanzik background. So, there is no example.) We're also being very, very explicit about what our agreements are. We're not letting our anger or our fear overpower our love or silence our lips. Both of us have been gibbering in tears and the other of us has comforted until we were feeling better again.
Cindy and I have been to the couples counselor twice now. I've been to my solo session with the couples counselor and Cindy goes to see him today for his solo session. She is also going to see a therapist for the first time today to work on her issues individually.
Each of us can see the inherent plausibility and viability of the other persons position. We just can't get it viscerally.
We do have hope, love, and determination to see this through to a compromise between our two positions. Neither of us is completely happy right now but we know we can work to a point where we will be happy with each other and the decisions that we've made. Over time, the anger and the fear grow less and the communication and connection grow. The love has remained infinite.